When I was a bartender my closest bartender friend/co-worker used to blurt out some odd phrases instead of cussing. I just outright used profanities. But years later I became a believer in Jesus Christ and after reading the bible a while I began to think it wasn’t so good to use cuss words in my vocabulary. Having my first child helped move me to agree with the bible because I did not want my kid going to other kids birthday parties and screaming profanities when he didn’t get the best piece of cake.

I began making up a new cuss language of my own that if repeated by a 3 year old wouldn’t be recognized or understood. The worst case scenario would be that they would recognize his tone but not the words. “Rat faces” “dancing monkeys” “blasted skunks”. Those look embarassing but should try one next time you want to cuss. If you say it loud and somewhat violently they feel great!

The last couple of weeks have been tough on so many levels that I feel like a mass email went out to everyone I know announcing that it’s open season on me. Somewhere there is a blog with a code name that is tracking every opportunity to make me miserable that has been excercised and every little detail about how it made me sick miserable.

Sometime in the last week I remembered my friends favorite pseudo cuss phrase “WHIP ME!!”. I have blurted that out no less than 300 times in the last hour. Or maybe I thought it 300 times but actually only said it 10-12. It releases a little anger and frustration but then I chuckle and get on with my day.

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