Looking to the future, what I want to do and what I feel like I am supposed to do are usually in conflict. I see my plans to get “there” compromised by procrastination, the desires behind them cave in to the possibility that they are at the root selfish or irresponsible, and finally all hope is set aside for the comfort of routine. I know there is mystery in my desires. They are something deep within me that hold the key to being the person that God has made me to be. (As I typed that last sentence a Tweetdeck popup from a Facebook post asked me “What are you holding back?”). The routines I’m accustomed to, some I am a slave to, have become covers and mechanical steps I use to fit in and seem normal by the standards of those around me. At 50, I no longer see the benefit in continuing on that path stuck in that cycle; it is a slow death. I wanted to say that 2011 MUST be different. That’s just a starting point….I want to make the entire rest of my life different.