Patience and procrastination look a lot alike.

What is it inside YOU that steers you down the paths of your life? I’m talking about that moment when you need to make a decision and for some reason you begin to ponder the big picture in the possible results of that single decision. Stopping and thinking just for a second about where to start reveals that there are so many factors for us to consider and so much information available to us that it seems like a bottomless pit. You could easily go crazy thinking about it. Sometimes they are what should be simple decisions that stump you and seem to have significant repercussions. Other times there are complex decisions where there is no time for research and a decision has to be made. Whatever the case may be the result is that you seem frozen in time. In the end an element of faith is going to be required to decide. The bible says that “everything that does not come from faith is sin”(Romans 14:23b).

But as we are working through this process approaching the moment where the last step is faith, we experience advice, recommendations, and pressure from others. On the battle field it’s known as “friendly fire”. An oxymoron if there ever was one. I found a definition online that fits well: “inadvertent firing towards one’s own or otherwise friendly forces while attempting to engage enemy forces, particularly where this results in injury or death”. This is perfect if you think of our inability to come to a decision as what the “friend” sees as the enemy. So these well-doers come along, we discuss what’s happening in our life, and they quickly pickup that we need help being delivered from the horrible monster of a indecision. So they start lobbing hand grenades, spraying shotgun blasts, and shooting arrows directly at YOU. These guys are well meaning but the result is mostly added frustration. I am not talking about cases where you ask for input. If you are asking the right person, that is wise. The contrary is foolish. And I’m only talking about friendly fire because most of us don’t take deeply to heart the advice from strangers or people we don’t respect. I’m not saying that you can’t glean some good advice from any of these sources but I wouldn’t depend on it.

In these times I feel stupid: I have a college degree, I’m 50 and have quite a lot of street experience. I read a lot of books, hang out with intelligent people(most of the time), and ask a lot of questions of other people about their daily lives and their opinions….I have the ammo to pull the trigger and make a decision. The fact that I can’t move in these situations hints to me that God is purposefully slowing me down for a reason that is never immediately clear to me.

Lately as I’ve waited patiently for answers in several areas of my life I’ve had the feeling of irresponsibility or neglect. Most of my life I have been a procrastinator so sometimes I have to check myself and make sure that’s not what I’m doing. But if I’m not guilty of being a slacker, and I am really waiting for God then I just don’t think much about it the problem. But when I do, I kind of panic that it has not been a source of anxiety and a pressing issue. I imagine the whole thing imploding and me standing there in front of family and friends having to answer “Why did you wait so long?”. I truly think that most of my anxiety comes from my fear of what someone would think if I had to explain what was happening or explain what happened. They would hear my thoughts and the friendly fire would rain down! If I could just get in the habit of telling them “I’m waiting on God” they may shut up but I doubt it.

I’ve been thinking about this post for a long time and am overthinking it. So in honor of my blog name I’m posting without reading it for the 10th time. If you hate it….so be it!! J

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